The Flip Side

It's pretty grim for anyone on the left right now, or indeed for anyone not on the extreme right. How could all this stuff be happening? There are lots of explanations of course. The big puzzle for me was that people could vote for Trump once he'd crossed that line. Once the recording came out I assumed it was all over. No matter someone's policies or other appeals (bit vague on those too myself to be honest) surely the blatant misogyny would be the end of it. But if you're looking for a saviour, then you can become complicit in the con. That infamous recording contained the clue as to why it wouldn't be Trump's undoing. The key is the ignored first part of the statement, so distracted were we by the description of sexual assault - "when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything". 'They' being the women he was boasting of assaulting, but perhaps also, metaphorically, the voters. 'When you're a star...'. What clearer description of idealisation, of positive projection, could there be? Here's someone who understands how to abuse power. Once those projections have been elicited you're invulnerable. It's not that you can do no wrong, but whatever wrong you do will be forgiven, because now you're the man. You're a 'star'.

I have often worked with victims of domestic abuse in music therapy. Children with abusive fathers feel enormous ambivalence towards the perpetrator. Often, they want to believe the best about him (it's usually a 'him') despite evidence to the contrary. It's a terrible 'Catch 22' situation. The person they want to attach their hopes to is not someone who has their best interests at heart, but it's almost impossible to let go. This kind of therapy is slow work because just as it's difficult to disengage from unrealistic hope of the father, so it's also difficult to form new attachments based on a more integrated view of the other.

As music therapists, we have to be very mindful of the dangers of idealisation, as it can flip very quickly the other way. The client who loves you is a hair's breadth from disappointment, envy, hatred. If the music is exciting and fun it can easily become empty and repetitive, and if your music is admired it can equally be resented and suppressed by the client when they hit idealisation's brick wall. There's no future in idealisation, but in the meantime the idealiser is vulnerable to exploitation. It's only by repeatedly not choosing to exploit our position of power as therapists that we gradually build trust over time with the trauma victim. They know really that their illusions are fragile, so they try to maintain control. The play can be rigid, stultifying, accompanied by a feeling of stuckness. As a therapist you can start to lose your sense of identity. But this is better than being idealised. It's the beginning of the next step. The path to integration is tortuous and takes place incrementally, and disillusionment is an inevitable and healthy part of the process. Donald Trump would make a terrible therapist.